The Mind-Body-Brain-Spirit Org.
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--My story begins!
Let me introduce myself.
My name is Rosalee Marie Foreman, born in Rock Hall, in Kent County, Maryland, on May 6, 1940
Parents: Mother --Frances Elinor Foreman [Vansant/Coleman] and Raymond James Foreman.
~~I will touch on the major and 'spiritual events' of my life~~
1947 --as a 7 yr old, --the 'miracle' happened in the cedar trees. A visitation of the spirit.
1948 --Spoke in 'tongues' even while being scolded by an elder. She could not stop, until whatever needed to be spoken -was spoken. This was extremely unusual as she never spoke back to adults.
1957 --the near-death experience, being gifted with new life, and heightened sensitivity.
1980-'82 --the 2 year 'Search'...
I was the only one born of twins. There were two afterbirths --I was told. Explain that--?
Just a few years ago, after years of asking God for the explanation, I finally figured it out, to also make sense of how and why I was brought up as I was --as a child. I somehow figured that my parents did not want the pregnancy, and in those days, if there were pregnancy issues, a woman would insert a coat-hanger to 'get rid-of that kid' --so to speak. Little did they know there were two in there. IF this were my fathers wish --to abort, then he would carry an anger of distrust and disgust at my mother and having the additional expense of raising a kid, and it had to be a girl. And my mother --she would have been conflicted with shame, and guilt, every time she looked at me and every hour --with her husband who she felt she let down. This would also explain why my father had no relationship with me. He was always distant. My mother also seemed to be in turmoil, because she lost her own mother at either age 2 --or 2 months of age. She was raised by her older sister Lula. I was fed and clothed, and that was about all. Christmas and Easter were loaded with gifts, almost to show the rest of the family --when they would visit --just how happy this family of three were, when in fact --it was all for show.
I was also born with a film-like skin [veil-?] --just over both eyes.
I often wondered what that was, and why it was there. In my later years, I feel that somehow --I was to be from that other-side of life somehow, to perhaps know and see what others do not, because my birth would --in some way --be protected from the average/normal life --I would be brought up in.
We lived on the Eastern Shore side of the Chesapeake Bay, and that life of freely wandering the dirt roads, and woods, was quite safe. We were allowed to freely explore. we lived very near the water, and water play, fishing and crabbing and swimming were daily when weather permitted. My best times were when with my cousins, Jimmy, the oldest --who I adored, Billy, who I loved with all my heart, and Charles --the youngest --who was always --in the way. That is my childhood memory. OH --then there was Kay --who played with those dumb paper dolls, that I could not stand. I was a tom-Boy, and didn't have much to do with her. She was also really young.
At about age 7, I had my first Miraculous experience in a 'circle of cedar trees' --almost to prepare me for what was ahead. I met my real father, but could not look at Him.
I saw the 'white light' at age 7 --in a circular group of 7 cedar trees. They were real. There were vines all over them near the bottom, and an inviting hole, where [as a child --I thought' -deer must live in there], as I peeked in --I saw an area padded down, as if deer did sleep in there. I saw the circle of trees. There were rays of light coming from above. I crawled into that circle, and stood up. I remember my arms just hanging there --because the light was so comforting. The whitest of white light was so bright that I had to lower my head. Through my closed eyelids, I saw no red due to blood vessels. What I sawt was absolute WHITER than WHITE through my closed eyelids! I felt the incredible warmth of 'something' coming down from above --covering my body with peace, love and unexplainable euphoria.
In my heart --I heard 'TWO WORDS' ---'MY CHILD'. That is all I needed to hear! I was at peace in my heart even though I felt I was an unwanted child by my parents. I now knew who my real 'Father' was and is.
I had many lifetime hurdles, yet remember what I 'heard'. This has sustained me through the roughest of times. I have walked the walk, one foot in front of the other all my life --in spite of the detours placed in front of me. I could almost hear -'are you sure you want to continue --as if the tests would detour me away from my path. It has not. I came close --and was re-routed right back on track, where I knew I belonged. It's been difficult, and only told to help others.
SEE --Another 'White Light' experience: http://www.ndespace.com/video/video/show?id=2331817%3AVideo%3A11
When I was about 7, my mother and father moved us to Baltimore, as my mother was much more progressive and wanted more of life than simply country living.
I went through my first culture shock --that lasted many years. I wanted the simple life --with some advantages. They would send me 'back home every summer' where I could live my life as a free child --in all of nature. It was glorious!
One summer, when down home --about age nine or ten, I looked at my Aunt Lula, and started to 'rattle-off' these strange sounds --like words.
I could NOT STOP until I had finished what I had to say or do, and that was to finish what I needed to say at all cost! KNOW --that I never spoke back to an adult! I figured when you grew up to be an adult you were perfect, and being a kid is the learning --to get to that point and place. I didn't know what this was --until about 1978. I had dedicated my life --for and to Christ Jesus, by the 'speaking in other tongues'.
About 1975 I had started going to 'healing churches' and learned about some of those who declare to heal. I was invited by my dear friends Foxie Reid --for her daughter Marilyn to an exorcism from evil for Marilyn at a church in Baltimore Why was this part of my path --to experience this?
My life was almost an illusion, as I felt I belonged elsewhere, like somewhere in the clouds.
That is how my teachers from school saw me. I had difficulty concentrating in school --on what I felt was so stupid or unnecessary to learn. Whenever something drew my attention I could listen and really get into it. I would excel in some areas like English and Latin --until I was left behind -by absence. I did not like History because it already happened. I wanted to be intrigued, and it hardly ever happened. I learned quickly that people [my classmates] were judgmental. They would pick on me, and try to start fights with me --but I would just stand there quite still and look at them. I wouldn't budge at all, and they would amazingly back down. Later reading the Bible saw that a child of God --could carry the sword, and never have to remove it from it's sheath. I somehow connected with that.
I loved the animals, who were not judgmental, and they would love me --for who and what I was and still am today. No people conflicts!
I met someone who introduced me to horses, my major dream and love, and that is a very long and haunting story that started me on my very deep search of two years. [More on that much later]
The horses were very intuitive, and I felt a very strong connection with them. They drew me in almost as if they knew they could talk with me, to tell how they felt and how they had to live.
My near death experience [NDE] was from Viral Pneumonia at age 17.
I was living with my dad and his new wife for a short time. I left my mother because of a boyfriend she had, and asked to live at my father's until I could get married [to get away from home] at age 17 --to a wonderful man 11 years my senior.
My step mother was in the living room rocking and knitting or crocheting. I came downstairs because it was freezing in the bedroom. I was really sick. I had high fever to freezing, I was on the sofa covering up, then throwing covers off me.
Suddenly I felt very calm. Everything was black! Then I would see this 'circle' that was showing me photos, starting with me at age one --sitting on my father's shoulders, while his hand held me there. That photo shifted to the left. I saw another photo, that then shifted to the left, another, then another etc, until the passage of photos or recollections passed in front of me like a movie film on the old large frame reels, ZZZOOOOOOOOOOOOOMM! It ALL passed in front of me, my entire lifetime of events, and there were many.
I heard words --over my 'right shoulder'. "It's all right girl, all you have to do is close your eyes, and it will be all over!" It took me another 40 years for someone else to say "That was your stepmother" Wow, did that make sense! Never thought of that.
Then, there were 'words over my left shoulder'. "Now, come on girl, How old are you"? I answered 'with my heart not spoken out loud words --"Seventeen!"
Know that I was now looking at a white circular light --that seemed to be 'moving away from me'. I could not say that it was a tunnel. It was more like the white light was simply moving farther from me. It was the size of an apple! It was getting smaller, like a plum, then smaller, like a cherry.
Next question! "And how long does the average person live --in a normal lifetime?" I answered --from my heart. "Eighty" Then, the next most important question asked of me: "And HOW MANY MORE LIFETIMES WOULD YOU HAVE YET TO LIVE?" I thought: 'I'm 17. That's like 20. 20-40-60-80. I answered "THREE!" Then, I thought: 'I wouldn't have to live the NEXT lifetime the same way!' "Or the next". This white circle of light was now the size of a pencil eraser --as you would look down on it's top. It was still getting smaller, as I watched.
The next question came as the light was the size of a pin-head. "And what will it be?" I said: "I'll LIVE!"
INSTANTLY --That pin sized white light exploded, and opened totally wide --until I could look around with wide open eyes. It was as if someone dropped a simple drop of oil into a full bucket of warm water. The drop of oil would 'splash and spread wide, over the water until it was all covered'. I couls almost see the colors of that oil as the circle widened suddenly.
I looked at the wall paper, and:
I could feel the paste under the paper that held the paper to the wall.
I could 'feel' the seams where the paper overlapped.
I saw the slip covers on the chair, and could 'feel and see' the threads --very clearly.
I sensed and could almost feel the textures!
I looked back over my shoulder, and saw my step-mother Hilda, still rocking there. I said "That was strange, what happened to me". She still rocked and said: "I guess so, you just went through the crisis, where you would either live or die. Your temperature was 105 1/2 degrees before you blacked out."
I thought: 'Shouldn't you have tried to help me to break the temperature? What could I expect?'
When I was feeling stronger after a few days, I finally went outside.
I could smell the rubber from the tires that drove over the macadam road in front of the row home.
I could smell the dust that was on the trees, after the spring rain.
I could sense the concrete of the sidewalks.
It seemed that I was more AWARE than ever.
Now --to get married and get away from there!
My first marriage:
I married to get away from home, to a good man who had some private issues I had to bear up to. I was very naive and innocent and he was 11 yrs older than me. I promised on the alter [privately] that I would stay in this marriage. He was truly a good guy and I did love him. We had a lot in common and we got along great --except in bed. I felt used and abused. He did not hurt me, he humiliated me. Plus, I knew too little, and NEVER had anyone to talk to. I was still very shy! [I got my first horse who sustained me through the later part of my marriage and personal confusions. I named my second horse Freedom's fancy']
Exploring the life of boyfriends and all that entails.
My mother's sister Aunt Lula died from stomach cancer.
I was in the last car following the coffin to the graveyard, I looked left and actually 'saw' my Aunt Lula --standing there in a plaid housedress, with her apron --smiling and waving to the cars as they passed. She died at only 68 pounds, and I saw her in full flesh! I looked at her in amazement as I watched her pass. When I looked back to her --she was not there. She was so happy and healthy looking!
My second marriage:
I left that second marriage --for my sanity and freedom.
My second husband was a florist. I quit the banking industry to work with him to learn the personal service business. I really loved it, however drinking wine got in the way, and it all turned into overload when my husband stated on that very morning I came home from my last day at work: "Dad has to come live with us." He was 84, hard of hearing, had bad eyesight etc. Plus he was a pain in the butt when one was concentrating on business. This pushed my husband into drinking even more. I was getting on overload even more now, until I just had to leave, because I believe I would have killed my husband due to his drinking. I shook intensely, and was afraid to go home at nights. I did have a couple of horses that gave me the horse sense and tolerance to get bu day by day, until that breaking point.
One day I 'heard these words --like a whisper in my ears'. "Go to the Holiday Inn". I thought 'WHY?' I 'heard --"GO."
Moved into a hayloft of a barn, and made an apartment there --and almost froze to death.
A bottle froze and broke when in a closed refrigerator. Cologne FROZE! I slept under an electric blanket and still shook! If the electric went off in a bad snow storm I would have died. A man just a half mile away DID freeze to death that winter. I would sleep in the car when the sun shown through the windows. It was warm there. These were the best days of my life, when the weather was good. I had more fun there, and grew in a solid reputation of 'Rose at the Barn'. I was determined at this time --to separate from what the norm seemed to trap us into.
Started the real work with horses and clients in 1972 --discussed more at www.softtouchhorsemanship.com
Other than being classified as an 'oddball' --I finally became recognized for how I did what I do --only after the movie Horse Whisperer came out. I was not a 'whisperer' --but a 'listener' to the horses 'spirit'.
My mom died at age 56!
I got a call from mom's second husband. Mother was in the hospital, and it was serious. She was dying. They found an aneurism --the size of a tennis ball in her brain. Mother one time showed me the medications she was taking for her headaches. She fell against the open oven door several years ago, and doctors just gave her pain pills. This night 2:30 AM she insisted on going to the Emergency room, the pain was so bad. They sent her home and said "come back in the morning and we will take x-rays". She was dead at 5:30 AM. She was in the hospital when I saw her. The doctor had already taken her off life support system. I stood at her side as she was dying [brain-dead]. She drew my hand to her chest as I held it, as if to say all those things I never ever heard her say --like 'I love you'. I knew she was going to a higher place where she would be in glory! She would also be with her sister.
I saw my horse running and playing --after she was put down
When I had to put my first horse down, I could not be there. The vet did what he came to do and covered her with a horse blanket. I came back soon after the vet left to say my good-bye. My other horses were standing at the fence --quietly waiting for me to return. I had the time to realize that I made her suffer for 6 months before I had the heart to have her put down. Now ---she had no pain. [She had some difficulty bending her one knee] As soon as I realized this, I heard a ruckus, and looked back to all the horses standing there. They were jumping up and down, bucking -rearing and playing. Then --they all ran down the hill and up the next. I SAW MY MARE galloping and playing with them as they raced uphill. She was bucking, kicking up and twisting, with her tail flying in the wind! She was FREE!
I moved a couple of times from Fallston, Maryland --in hunt country to Jarrettsville a few miles away where we did the best business. I met lots of people who wanted to ride horses and to learn. I worked with many doctors, pharmacists etc. and we all got close --almost like a family of friends. I boarded horses also, and the time came when the riding became more beneficial, as boarders were intrusive, and I became a social worker it seemed. Too much time --for no money return. Working with the public seemed better for us.
In 1984 a participating psychologist told me that our programs should be a college level program --in 'COMMUNICATION'. I was still searching for more!
I started going to healing churches, and watched Joyce Meyer, and Jimmy Swaggart regularly.
I had problems asking for anything --from anyone. I felt that I should be able to do things myself and if people wanted to help or give --they would or should do so without my asking for it. God was and is still trying to teach me to ask! [2008]
Watching Jimmy Swaggert at his critical times, I really did not want to be late --so I said: I wish I had seen this from the very beginning! It was two minutes into the show. WALLAH! There was a 'electrical CLICK' on the TV, and it immediately started --from the beginning! It was creepy and I wondered if it was real. Later by only months, I write automatically and actually 'watched my fingers go over the typewriter keys'. What I wrote was what I needed to hear, when 'asking'... I could hardly believe that had happened. Today, I feel that this happens often, when working with others and when typing for the website. Today --I just accept it as normal.
1978--'79 Disgusted at what I was learning about people and their lies and motives, and this life I was in --in general. I questioned if I even wanted to be living 'on this side' of life. There was MUCH MORE ahead for us.
I grew in confusion to the point of asking 'out loud' --"WHY AM I HERE --it's so quiet'? I was in Jarrettsville, at a quiet 10 acres. I heard my words back --'because it IS SO QUIET'. I realized it had to be quiet --for me to learn to hear!
I kept seeing Mr. J [Howard F. Jefferson] who was like a dad to me --standing on the second level porch of his house that had burned [suspiciously] He had already passed, and was buried in Oberlin Pa. I started to visit the old farm he lived in --10 years past his death. It were as if I were called there. I remember standing at his coffin, and my heart spoke to him. "I know that your death was untimely, and if it takes you ten years --you will let me know what happened. I also know that you now have the connections with those who have passed, to help me with the information I will need, and you will be more help to me from where you are now, than you could have been in this life".
On taking his horse back to his old farm, I saw a rainbow, when driving on the inter-state highway. I said to the woman who lived with him "There is a pot of GOLD at the end of that rainbow --but which end? Immediately that rainbow came across the truck windows etc, to go right into my heart! I WAS INCLUDED in that rainbow! I asked that woman if she saw it, and she looked at me like I was crazy. that enlightened me to know that this rainbow was a 'gift' from Mr. J. --just for me! It were as he could HUG ME --in all his glory! It brought me to tears. It was for ME --not her. Notice --that a rainbow would make a complete circle into YOUR heart --if you drew an imaginary line to complete that circle. Try it! Maybe not --but try.
In 1980 -'82 my profound and personal search went two full power-packed years. I learned a 5 tons! I got my answers that have changed my life, and the work I do to help others. That will be a book in itself!
In August, after my search ended, [March 15, 1982] I became almost void of seeing or hearing anymore, I went to find a 'quiet place. I heard the AUDIBLE WORDS ---"BE LIKE A CHILD" and then --"WORRY NO MORE" outside of my body and behind my right shoulder. I could NOT turn to look at who -or what was there.
I had seen Mr. J. in the clouds with another man who had recently died. [Lou Basalisco] Mr. J asked me to go see Ms. Ruth who lived with him, and to 'ask her to help you get a farm'. Key word --ASK!
I didn't ever want to see her again. She was like a black widow spider in how she 'played with people'. Then, I saw Lou look at Mr. J. saying "She won't do that. You don't know how to talk to that girl" Lou winked at Mr. J and then looked right at me saying: "You won't do that for yourself --but you WILL do that --for Mr. J. --won't you?" I realized that Mr. J. might have the opportunity to do something for God -in perhaps giving Ruth another chance, and I was a part of this, so I would do this for Mr. J!
I left about 5:30 PM from Jarrettsville, had to use someone else's car, and after a few miles, realized I forgot the map. I just looked up as if to smile, thinking 'Mr. J will guide me there. Of course, I was doubting this, and still drove on --in complete FAITH, and what all I had learned --on my serious search of the two past years. This was almost like a test to and for me. I got to I-83 and turned the radio on to contemporary music. I turned the radio OFF when I got to the bridge that crossed the Susquehanna river. I saw lights from far left to far right! I thought 'I MUST BE NUTS!
I found a specific address in Oberlan Pa, within two stops --and NO MAP!
I went off I-83 after crossing the bridge. I asked for directions to Oberlan. I got lost as I almost went back onto #83, so I turned back. I noticed a road that appeared very black --yet inviting. I also noticed and felt strange as I looked at my left to see a Dunkin Donuts. I went up that dark road, came to a crossroad and felt to turn left! I went straight! I made several turns, while looking for a church where Mr. J was buried. Most churches felt like they had concrete in them or just felt dead. After several turns and feeling my feelings --I saw the church that felt like it had music and singing in there. I saw the second Turkey Hill convenience store, where I previously asked where Oberlan was, but got lost. When I went in --I asked "Where is Oberlan Pa.?. Attendant said: "You are in it!" I asked --"Where is Main Street". She said --"You are on it". I asked for a specific address. She said how to go --but I felt a black wall on the one way, and turned away. Another time, as I passed this church, I felt that the road would fall off into nothing! Remember this was really DARK when I got to the bridge. I turned left and left again. I pulled right up to the blue station wagon Ruth drove.
I visited a very short time. On leaving she asked if I knew how to get back to I-83. I followed her directions. I strangely --came to that cross-road where I felt to turn left onto --but went straight instead. I was coming to that crossroad from where I felt to turn onto. On realizing what all had just happened, and that within two stops I found this specific address and without any MAP, I knew that I was beginning to 'hear' more deeply! I was over-whelmed. About a mile down the road --I decided to turn the radio back on! THE FIRST WORDS to come from that radio : FAITH WITHOUT FEET --IS DEAD! I had to pull off the road, and broke into hard tears! I WAS learning --wasn't I? Then at the end of that road, I pulled right up at the 'T'. In front of me was that Dunkin Donuts! I stayed at that stop sign a little too long. Thankfully no one came up behind me. I was stunned!
Then, I moved across the county line into Baltimore County, a very bad mistake, as I rented from an Iranian and was also in a more critical area when it came to permits! I was just over the line!
Experienced tremendous potential, and had to move because of the Iranian landlord's hate for woman in business. His very beautiful American wife was embarrassed by this, and humiliated. She and the kids seemed like a possession to him.
I found an opportunity to move --just over the line into Pennsylvania onto a 60 acre farm that was run-down. There, I learned more about what I wanted to do and how to do it --to help others. We were really different and people loved what we were doing. I considered a Bed & Breakfast business. I had not much time because I started to work at Peach Bottom Nuclear Power Plant. I learned TOO much about business dealings, and became hard-nosed to have them treat people better. [Another story not yet told.]
Because of working all those hrs at PB, I got financially trapped by this 60 acre farm location --just over a state line. I lost a lot of business by the location. I had stayed there in York County --for 10 years, and saw how this previous landowner had taken advantage of me on several occasions. We also became land-locked, and decided to just 'give the farm back' --as it was still going down --when I was trying to get up in what I was doing and to have the explanation for what we do. VERY DIFFICULT --since we were always in the forefront.
I tried to help the woman who previously owned the farm, since her husband dies within 6 months after I moved there. I found that whenever I had extra, there was a need. We together got a second mortgage to help us both financially, but I was cut short by an so-called EXTRA NEED that took most of what I had expected to receive --once again! I advertised for help and had a man [pastor] who with two others --would pay for the farm, and as he said --I could treat wounded owls etc. I started to ask questions about the future and my obligations etc, and he simply changed his mind. that was okay with me, as I started to realize he --being a pastor was taking the money from honest citizens, and 'money laundering' to hide what he had. I wanted nothing to do with it. So the farm would be lost. I had my integrity.
1994 Started working with people more deeply, and through all the confusions of NOT KNOWING where we belonged I was in desperate confusion.
DO NOT PRAY THIS PRAYER! "I want to know why people do as they do" NEVER pray this.
For the next seven years --I was placed in positions that were nearly unbearable, one thing after another! BAM! BAM! BAM! I was near crazy. I had tremendous difficulty due to a move and 54 inches of snow. This led things to a very serious betrayal by those who came across as helpful! I was learning WAY TOO MUCH about people--AGAIN!
The day came --when I looked back at this make-shift location I had to go to with all 22 horses, and we were facing winter and ice. I was at my wits end. I felt I could collapse. I would 'hear the words' --'are you sure you want to continue with your path?' I had no other choice --I had to. 'This was God's work! His Program!'. I had to keep moving forward! BUT --I felt the end near! I would NOT be able to do this. I was done! I felt like I would fall on my face and just die!
On walking across the field --I looked back and saw the tarp covered walls I used for protection for the horses. I saw that house trailer I used for an office, and I 'felt' and almost heard 'The coat of many colors'. I knew this was biblical. I remembered something about 'because you have worn the coat of many colors --xxx.' My faith was again stirred,
I started to research for other locations again. The LOCATION SEARCH was horrific--YET --I kept moving forward. That again is a book in itself.
The point to be made, is that I/we went through the fires of near hell, and I could NOT get OFF the track. I HAD to continue on this path!
I always felt that something was missing, and that I was not complete, and in 1998 heard for the first time about twin-less twins.
I would see Mr. J. there would also be a very good looking dark haired man in a tuxedo, standing about 20 feet behind Mr. J. I always wondered who that was. I suddenly realized that this could be my TWIN! It was a BOY! Now a good looking young man, who would always be there with me --but he had NO NAME! I said I would name him after Mr. J. --Jeffrey Jay or Gregory Jay. Greg seemed appropriate! Greg --it is. Now --I knew my twin brother, and that felt great! I KNOW HE is there, and that he is helping in anyway possible. He just might be some of my strength because He really knows God! With His help --perhaps he has been routing me on to NOT STOP THIS! KEEP IT MOVING! There is STILL --MORE TO COME! And --I am still learning!
The rest of the story is in my continued study, as well as on the website www.softtouchhorsemanship.com.
We are still evolving, and wonder where all this leads.
The Near Death Experience Symposium --was just another 'new start' for me to see this website started --to accumulate and to express how my life may be different from others.
This website is about --all the things that have made me --who or what I am!
I still have more to add and fill in here --and will do so as time permits.
